


And The Fourth Wall Has A Reset Button

by GeminiStep



Category: Left 4 Dead 2
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Crack, Fourth Wall, M/M, Romance, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-10
Updated: 2011-09-10
Packaged: 2017-10-23 15:16:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/251818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeminiStep/pseuds/GeminiStep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's very hard to beat out the Infected in the crazy department which is why it takes Ellis a while to realize there are stranger things in the world than flesh eating zombies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And The Fourth Wall Has A Reset Button

**Author's Note:**

> I owe a huge round of thanks to jori_ness over on livejournal for the wonderful beta job. As always, all mistakes are my own. I tried to balance out including Ellis’ accent with making sure the dialogue flowed without too much trouble so I hope I did a good job at it.
> 
> This came about when a friend of mine and I were discussing Ellis’ almost cloudcuckoolander like personality and I made an offhand comment that eventually spawned this story. I don’t think I’ve seen anything quite like this yet, at least for the L4D2 fandom.

Ellis wasn’t sure when he first started to notice something was off about the world.  After the first couple dozen moments of déjà vu, when he and the others fought their way out of the burning hotel, Ellis began to suspect something was wrong. 

 _And by wrong I ain’t referrin’ to the zombie apocalypse that's guttin’ the country,_ Ellis complained to himself as he grabbed a gas can that Coach had thrown down to the first floor of the mall, _That I noticed very early in, despite some folk, whose names began with the letters K, D, and N, thinkin’ I’m too flighty to realize much of anythin’.  That was kinda hard to ignore, what with all the quarantines and folk suddenly becomin’ cannibalistic and mutatin’ and such shit._

After spending part of the morning trying to explain that he thought something was not right, besides all the Infected, to his traveling companions, Ellis had finally given up.  He seriously thought that they were repeating the fight to the mall for at least the second time, but no one wanted to hear about it.  Ellis didn’t know what Coach and Rochelle thought, but Nick definitely seemed to consider Ellis a bit ‘touched in the head’, as Ellis’ mama would say.  All of Nick’s snide comments at his attempts to make them understand were starting to really get on the southerner’s nerves.  Since the problem clearly wasn’t having an effect on all the zombies out to kill him, Ellis decided the best thing was to shrug off the situation. 

 _After all, this weird feelin’s kinda distractin'.  Best to ignore it for now._

Theyoung man continued to kill all the Infected he could as he raced towards Jimmy Gibbs Jr’s car with a laugh. 

 _I’d better keep cheerful as well or all this killin’s goin’ to drive me crazy.   After all, what use was survivin’ the apocalypse if ya can’t have fun while doin’ it?_  

It wasn’t until earlier, when he’d predicted that the guy hold up in the gun store wanted soda without ever meeting him that he decided to take notice.  How would he know that the guy would want soda pop of all things?  He could have just as easily needed beer, flour, or a can opener.  That insight was the turning point for the southerner.  Suddenly he began to _remember_ the run through the mall, the amusement park, the swamps, the sugar mill, and the bridge, not just have a vague notion that he might have experienced it before.  Hell, he remembered that the four of them got to go to Whispering Oaks and set off more fireworks than Keith ever even had the chance to touch; Midnight Riders fireworks, no less.

The swipe against his back knocked Ellis into the race car pulling him back from his musings. 

 _Goddamn zombies sneakin’ up on folk,_ Ellis mentally complained as he carefully set down the gas can. 

In one fluid movement, the young man drew a pistol as he turned around, shoved the Infected back and shot it in the forehead.  It was a move he had perfected a while ago.

As the zombie slumped to the ground, the familiar clothing caught Ellis’ attention.  Ellis’ eyes widened in shock at the body of the Infected he had just shot. 

 _Oh my God, I just killed Jimmy Gibbs Jr.   My idol was Infected and I just shot him down like I would any of the other Infected.  How am I going to be able to look Keith in the face from now on?  He loved this man even more than I did.  There was that one time me and Keith went to that one meet and greet.  Keith actually got down on one knee and proposed to the guy, ring and all.  To be fair, Keith had then been attacked by overexcited body guards and ended up in the hospital for a month, but still._

Something twitched at the back of Ellis’ mind as he numbly picked up the gas can and continued to fill the tank.  Shooting his idol or not, he still had a job to do.  As the feeling persisted, Ellis finally gave in and concentrated on what was bothering him.  To his horror, two more memories of killing his idol flashed through his head. 

The first time the racer had knocked Nick off of the stairs, between the second and third flights.  The conman had grabbed on to the railing allowing the Infected to continue his attack on him.  Ellis had seen his friend dangling and ran to help, shooting the Infected attacking him.  It hadn’t been until Nick was safe that Ellis realized exactly who he’d just shot. 

The second time Jimmy Gibbs Jr had caught him when he was isolated from the others.  A tank had knocked him to the side and chased the other three across the mall.  Ellis was still trying to regain his breath as the man approached him and the combination of that and his shock that the famous man was now an Infected kept the southerner from reacting.  It wasn’t until he’d had motor oil flung in his face blinding him that Ellis started to fight back.  He ended up tossing a jar of Boomer bile on his idol and ran away, letting the horde rip the man apart.

It took killing Jimmy Gibbs Jr for the third time to firmly convince Ellis his suspicions were correct.  These weren’t nightmares, but actual memories.  He was repeating this trip through Hell.

Ellis actively began to contemplate the situation while he was squeezed in the back of the supposed race car with Coach.  Nick was driving and Rochelle, being a girl, had been offered the shot gun position so she’d be more comfortable. 

 _‘Course, this ain’t a real race car_ , Ellis thought to himself in an attempt to distract himself from how he killed the zombie version of his idol earlier, as well as the fact that it wasn’t the first time either _._

 _If it were a real stock-car there would barely be enough room for the driver, let alone three other people.  I still don’ know why I thought to suggest it every time, but it has always had enough room for the four of us.  I wonder what reason he had to have a fake car at the mall anyway.  Or even why he was there, seein’ as he was supposed to be in Indiana recordin’ that celebrity television show Keith and Dave couldn’t stop talkin’ about.  Was he in Indiana the other times we stole his car or was he wanderin’ in a different part of the mall?_

 _Thinkin’ of which, how is it that I can remember shootin’ him twice before?  Even in my worst nightmares there were never any zombies and I ain’t never killed anyone, even in my dreams, before this mess.  Whatever this is, I really am repeatin’ this shit._

 __Remembering the way the racer had lurched toward him and the way he instinctively raised his gun and fired made him shake slightly.  It was one thing to kill a random zombie, but quite another to shoot someone you at least recognized, if not outright knew.

“Hey hick, you alright back there?”  Nick’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

“I had to shoot the zombie of my idol today, Nick.  How do ya think I’m doin’,” Ellis snapped _._

 _Not to mention I’m havin’ the Ground Hog’s day, week, and month from hell here_.

“I’m sure the world isn’t going to cry about how you had to kill another red neck whose only skill was driving in a circle.”  Nick’s voice dripped with derision.

“I’ll have ya know that it takes a lot of skill to drive one of these babies at high speeds and avoid crashing.  For that matter, he weren’t just a redneck—” 

“Boys!” Rochelle spoke up tiredly from up front Ellis.  “If you’re going to argue, please do it when people aren’t trying to sleep.”

Ellis let out a frustrated sigh and complied although he wanted to continue.  He was stuck with these people for a while and should probably not annoy them too early on. Besides, he genuinely liked Rochelle and she usually had no problem letting him talk.  Left to his thoughts, Ellis continued to think on his idol and the weird cycle he'd found himself in.

000

Soon, even more abnormal circumstances became apparent.  Ellis began to notice that he could hear, very faintly, music in the background.  It confused the shit out of him, since it sometimes occurred where no music should have been able to play.

The first time he really paid attention to anything other than the moans of the zombies, he was sneaking through the woods towards Whispering Oaks.  They were trying to be quiet to avoid alerting any Infected in the area to their presence and triggering the appearance of a horde.

 _What the hell,_ Ellis thought to himself as he began to notice faint music at the edge of his hearing.  _That ain’t carnival music, that’s for sure.  It’s too quiet and sounds more like the shit ya hear in movies playin’ behind the characters talkin’._

Following Nick, the only member of his party he could see, Ellis headed towards the amusement park while trying to make out what was playing.  The volume didn’t seem to increase the closer they got to Whispering Oaks, supporting his suspicion that it wasn’t coming from the park.

Nick paused and Ellis took the opportunity to get closer to the man. 

“What’s wrong, Overalls?”

Ellis was confused at the question until he noticed that his muscles were more tense than usual.  Unconsciously he’d tensed up and the reason was that the music itself sounded more wary and he was reacting to that. 

It didn’t really surprise him that Nick had noticed as he was actually quite observant.  It also wasn’t surprising that Nick said something about his behavior as it seemed that during the last ten or so cycles Nick had been becoming friendlier towards all of them and him in particular.  Unfortunately it had the side effect of increasing the attraction he felt towards the other man.

 _A zombie apocalypse is a real bad time to develop a crush on another man, especially a straight one_. 

“I hear faint music,” Ellis replied in explanation.

Nick seemed to listen for a moment.  “I don’t hear anything.”

“Well, it’s there.  Ya know, they say that your hearin’ begins to go as ya get older.  Maybe that’s the reason ya can’t hear it.” 

“Shut up,” Nick growled.

Before Ellis could respond, an answering growl could be heard from a Hunter ahead of them.

“Aww, shit,” Ellis swore as the growl turned into a scream and the Hunter launched itself towards them.

000

After a few more weeks of repeats he began to discern patterns in the music and associate them with individual types of the Special Infected.  He couldn’t hear the music when they were in the middle of a fight because of all the guns, but when the four were running in an area and didn’t need to fire many shots he could often tell when a Spitter, Hunter, or another of their kind were in the area and trying to sneak up on them.

Ellis stood with his head cocked to the side.  They’d just escaped the burning hotel and the only injuries had been to Ellis when a Charger grabbed him and knocked him repeatedly into the ground.  The Charger had been the only Special Infected that they’d encountered in the hotel and Ellis knew that there had to be more lurking in the area.

 _There,_ Ellis thought in triumph.  _I can hear the music although I don’ recognize this piece; it’s too jumbled together.  It don’ help that it’s at the very edge of my hearin’.  Maybe there are two of these bastards in the area.  I do think one of these tracks sounds like a Spitter_.

“Ellis, sweetie, what are you doing?”

Blinking, Ellis turned to see the other three looking at him in various amounts of confusion.  He answered Rochelle’s question before thinking.

"Listenin' to the music.  I think one of the tracks is the Spitter’s, but I can’t hear the second one clearly enough to tell what it is.”




“Listening to the music?  So now you have a mysterious masked phantom following you around and teaching you to sing?”  Nick’s voice was mocking, but his face never lost the concerned look the conman usually tried to hide.

“That’s not it at all.  Them zombies: Hunters, Spitters, Boomers and such all have a background track to them.  If ya listen hard enough ya can tell when one’s near-by.”

“We’d better get to a safe room soon and get your head checked out,” Coach stated as he walked over and peered into Ellis’ eyes, also radiating concern for the Southerner. 

“I’m not concussed, Coach,” Ellis protested, trying to get them to listen.  “The music is really there and there’s a Spitter and somethin’ else in the area.”

“Overalls, you’re the only one hearing things right now.  Just shut up until we can get to a safer spot and check out the damage that thing did to you.”

Ellis would have argued further, but the Spitter chose that moment to let herself known by sending a large ball of acid at them.  After that a Jockey joined in the fray, attracting a horde, and there wasn’t time to discuss the condition of his head.  He did manage an ‘I-told-ya-so’ later on.

000

To the best of Ellis’s reasoning, it wasn’t until about two years worth of repeats had passed before the final clues became apparent.  The young man began to see what his grandmother would have referred to as auras. 

The first time he thought he saw the colors he had been hit in the head.  He dismissed the weird blue glow surrounding his friends as a figment of his injury and the colors did go away when his head began to heal. 

The second time though, he didn’t have as good of an excuse.

"Look out for the Boomer!” Ellis yelled as he saw one sneaking up on Nick.  Unfortunately his warning came a bit too late and Nick was coated in bile.  As Ellis ran towards the older man, he noticed a yellow glow start to form around the cardshark.   “Damn, I can’t be seein’ things again; I don’ have the head injury,” he muttered to himself as he got close to his blinded friend.




Turning to protect Nick from the horde the bile attracted, Ellis checked out Rochelle and Coach.  They both had a glow about them as well, but instead of yellow like Nick, they were surrounded by a shade of blue. 

As soon as Nick could see, coinciding with the yellow turning to the same blue the other two had, they made a dash down the street.  At one point Ellis managed to get on the other side of a line of trucks than the other three and stopped in surprise.

 _What in the world?_   Ellis started at the side of the truck.  He could see the blue glow outlining his friends thru the side of the trailer, despite it being made out of metal.  _That shit ain’t right.  I wish grandma was here right now.  She’d know what to make of this since it seems like the stuff she talked about before she passed away_.

“Ellis!  Where are you?” 

Rochelle’s call broke him out of his shock and he ran towards his friends.  As he rounded the corner of the lead truck he began to hear the Charger music.

“Guys, there’s a Charger in the area,” Ellis warned.

Coach, Nick, and Rochelle nodded that they heard him.  In this cycle Ellis had managed to play his situation well enough that his friends never asked how he knew these things and simply believed him.  He didn’t know what made these rare sessions work that way, but was always happy when one finally came up.

They grouped together, each tense in anticipation of springing aside when the Charger appeared.  They were able to spring out of the way when it came roaring at them and shoot the Special Infected down, but right as Ellis realized the Charger music hadn’t stopped a second one appeared. 

“Look out!” Rochelle yelled as she pointed towards the second Special Infected. 

Ellis was out of its path, Nick and Coach weren’t so lucky.  It rammed into Nick and grabbed onto Coach, hitting him into the side of one of the trucks. 

“Get that bastard,” Ellis hollered as he opened fire.  In the small part of his mind not concentrated on killing the Special Infected he noticed that the auras had changed again. 

As soon as the Charger was dead, Ellis and Rochelle went to check on their friends.  Taking off his health pack, Ellis quickly went to work patching up Coach while Rochelle helped Nick to his feat.

“Damn,” Nick grumbled as he stood up.  “My ankle twisted badly when I fell.  I don’t think I can walk,” he reluctantly admitted.

“And I’m almost out of ammo,” Rochelle informed them.

“So am I,” Coach added in after checking out his supplies as well.

“There should be a safe house on the other side of that buildin’,” Ellis told them.  “Here, take these,” he instructed Coach as he handed over the last of his ammo.  “Nick, ya can use me as a crutch.  Hopefully we can make it before more of these bastards get here.”

After a bit more grumbling, Nick consented to lean on Ellis.  For his part, Ellis was surprised it took so little to get the other man to agree.  _His ankle must be worse than what he’s admittin’ to, if he’s lettin’ me help so easily.  His pride usually requires more cajolin’.  If it’s broken we might be stuck for a while and that can get real dangerous._

Ellis wrapped an arm around Nick’s waist, while holding the arm Nick had wrapped around his shoulders steady, happy that the conman had accepted his help.  He took any chance he had to get closer to the other man, although that made him feel slightly pathetic _.  Man, this apocalypse is makin’ me act silly.  Not even the crush I had on Keith when we were sophomores had me tryin’ to find excuses to get near him._   _Too bad this ain’t like the sort of romance stories my ma read, otherwise the lack of protest would be a sign he liked me.  ‘Course that would make him a woman and Nick would kill me for thinkin’ that.  Also, most romances don’ have zombies._

The group walked toward the safe house Ellis had mentioned in silence.  Any noise could get a horde on them and that was the last thing they needed.  The silence also gave Ellis more time to think and he forced his thoughts from the man next to him and on to the new colors.

 _I wonder if the change in color use is new or simply somethin’ I haven’t noticed before.  Granted the last few sessions were easy and we managed to keep most of the severely mutated Infected at a safe distance.  The last time I saw yellow, it was from Boomer bile gettin’ on us, but Coach was yellow when the Charger had a grip on him.  Maybe yellow indicates danger, rather than that someone had been puked on,_ Ellis reasoned.  _Yellow normally indicates caution and danger in usage so it’d make sense_. 

 _When that Charger had Coach, the Infected glowed red.  I ain’t never seen one of them bastards glow before that Charger, but it sure would be convenient to know what was attackin’ one of us.  It’d be especially convenient if I can see these aura-thingies through solid objects like I could the trucks.  At least this oddity is almost as useful as the music one.  These damned repeats are plain torture._

As Rochelle closed the door to the safe room once they were all in Ellis decided to see if the newest mutation of the strangeness continued and if it would work as he thought it did.  One final uncomfortable thought on the changes to him passed through Ellis’ mind.

 _This better not be symptoms of me turnin’ into one of those sons of bitches._

000

Another mystery, but a welcome one for once, was that none of them seemed to permanently die.  If one of them was lost after leaving a safe house they’d often be found locked in a closet later on or if the survivors reached a safe room then the fallen would be there in the morning.  The ones who died never had any recollection of their death and the survivors, except for Ellis, didn’t seem to observe the temporary deaths at all.  He knew he also had this odd type of immortality when he sometimes found himself suddenly stuck in one as well, although he remembered the encounters that led to his relocation to the closet.  While waiting for his friends to find him, Ellis often tried to pass time by wondering how many ‘coming out of the closet’ jokes Keith could have made from the situation.

Even the other form of resurrection, the defibrillators, made no sense.  Ellis might’ve not had much medical know-how, but even he knew that those things shouldn’t revive someone who’d been slashed to death.  Still, Ellis wasn’t going to complain about this new immortality, especially as some of the repeated sessions were far more challenging than others.

Ellis assumed that this had been the case for every previous cycle and he was just now becoming aware of the effect.  It was a valuable product of these loops and there were many times that he was grateful for the conditional immortality they all had.

“Nick, look out!”

Ellis spared enough attention from the zombies mobbing him to see what Coach was yelling about.  The four of them had been separated when a swarm of zombies had crested the hill and attacked them.  All Ellis had been able to concentrate on the last fifteen minutes had been killing any Infected that got near him.  Punching one of the Infected back, Ellis shot it and started to turn as Nick yelled out in surprise.

“Get this humper off me!”

Ellis spun around in horror to see a Jockey perched on Nick’s back, riding him into the woods behind the group, laughing maniacally. 

 _No!  Shit, I have to get to him_.  Ellis gave himself a shot of adrenaline while he shoved his way through the Infected between him and his friend.  Rochelle and Coach were too far away from Nick and had too many Infected mobbing them to be able to come to his aid.  _Jockeys ride people toward the greatest danger and that one’s taking Nick away from the zombies.  There’s somethin’ worse than a horde in those woods._

Ellis raced in, desperately trying to listen for the Jockey track while scanning the area for the tell-tale auras of his friend and the Infected.  The young man knew that he felt far more fear and panic in finding Nick then if the other two had been taken.  After all, Rochelle and Coach weren’t the ones he’d managed to fall in love with.

As he continued searching Ellis considered how amazingly, despite the mocking attitude the conman often displayed towards him, he’d had grown closer to him as the cycles continued on.  Ellis really hadn’t meant to let the crush go so far and end up falling for him, but the man was quite charming in his own snarky way. 

Nick often acted selflessly to protect his companions, despite claiming he was only doing it so they could help him make an evac point.  The other three could tell he genuinely cared for them, as they had discussed it during several cycles where the conman had been seriously, but not fatally, hurt rescuing one of the other three.  Ellis couldn’t help his attraction, but found himself having to fight it every time a new session at the Vannah Hotel began and he met Nick ‘for the first time’. 

The sounds of screaming started off to Ellis’ left so he changed course.  He soon spotted the yellow and red glows and raced into a clearing he hadn’t seen earlier, his heart leaping into his throat. 

The Jockey that had ridden Nick into the woods lay dead beside the man, but one of those pale Witches had Nick pinned and was slashing into him.  With a yell, Ellis rushed the pair, shooting his gun at the Witch.  In the few seconds it took for Ellis to get to the conman, he’d managed to kill her.

“Oh shit, Nick,” Ellis almost sobbed as he landed on his knees next to the older man, shoving the Witch’s body off him. 

The Witch had managed to do too much damage.  Neither Nick nor Ellis had a first aid kit on them and the wounds on his chest were too deep for Ellis to attempt to bandage with his own shirt.

“Kid,” Nick attempted to say, blood trickling slightly from where one of the claws had ripped his lower lip.

Stripping off his shirt, Ellis tried to put pressure on the wounds anyway.  As he pressed down, Nick gasped in pain.

“Shit.  Oh shit, sorry.  I need to get the bleedin’ to stop.”

Nick reached up weakly and gave Ellis’ hand a slight squeeze.  “Not going to make it this time.”

“Don’ ya dare say that!   It’ll be just fine, ya’ll see.  Rochelle or Coach will get here and we’ll get ya bandaged up.  Just stay with me right now,” Ellis babbled desperately.  “Even if they don’ get here ya’ll still be fine.  We’ll just have to find a closet to pull ya out of further down the road.”

To Ellis’s horror he began to see a bar near Nick’s head.  It had the conman’s first name on it and was covered in a red scribble.  There were numbers on it that were swiftly counting down.

“Tossed the dice one too many times,” Nick paused to gasp more air.  “The House won this round.  Tell Coach and Rochelle I’m sorry for leaving you guys.  You all aren’t half bad traveling partners.”

Nick started coughing violently and Ellis took pressure he was using to try to stop the bleeding off his chest to help him breath a bit better.

“Thanks, Ellis.  Didn’t mean a word of the mean stuff I said to you.”

“Don’ talk like that.  Ya’ll survive this exactly like ya survive everythin’ else, includin’ a snarky comment or two.”

Nick didn’t reply.  He simply let out a final breath and lay still.  The transparent bar near his head bore a jagged red X through it.

Letting out a wordless moan, Ellis pulled Nick into his lap brushing a little of Nick’s dark brown hair out of his face before closing the older man’s sightless eyes.   Ellis placed a gentle kiss to his forehead before lowering his body back down and doing his best to straighten up his friend, even crossing the man’s arms over his chest.




“Ellis!”

“Nick!”

Off in the distance the southerner could hear the other two calling for them, but he didn’t reply.  He wanted to, but it seemed like there were no words left in his head for him to use.

“Oh God,” Coach’s strained voice came from behind Ellis.

Footsteps and a slim hand touched his shoulder.  Rochelle knelt beside him, sorrow written all over her face.  Reaching out, she wiped tears off of Ellis’ cheeks.  He hadn’t realized he’d started to cry.

“Come on sweetie,” Rochelle gently coached as a Hunter screamed in the distance.  “We need to get going.  There’s nothing we can do for him.”

Ellis didn’t resist when the other two gently pulled him away from Nick’s body.  He found that he couldn’t talk whenever they tried to get him to respond to them.  He just passively followed them, continuing to kill any Infected that got near the group.  He couldn’t find the effort to engage himself in the world any more than that.

Even though Ellis knew that they’d come across Nick later on, most likely angry for being stuck in a closet, the older man’s death still sent him reeling.  Seeing his friends die was one thing he knew he’d never be able to get used to.  It was one of the things that let the southerner know he was still sane and human.

000

Ellis didn’t know why it took him so long to realize the last oddity.  In all honesty it should have been one of the first things he noticed.  On some runs his friends suddenly seemed to take on different personalities.  Their dialogue seemed to take on a standardized quality and their actions were completely different than normal.  Sometimes they knew exactly where to go or what to pick up and sometimes they acted incredibly stupidly: charging into hordes and trying to kill every zombie in the area.  In the rarest occasions, the possessed member would open fire on the rest of them until they were either all dead or forced to kill the shooter.

Ellis even found that if he concentrated hard enough on his friends at these times he could see those odd transparent bars that were similar to the one he saw that one time when Nick died.  The only difference was that when one was acting out of character their name, which usually floated right above the colored bar changed from their actual name to names that were often combinations of letters and numbers.

Eventually his repeated attempts paid off and he could see the bars with the slightest amount of effort.  They still stayed pretty transparent, but visible enough that he could keep track of the status of his friends.  It soon became apparent that the bars indicated health and occasionally it startled one of the others, most often Nick, when he knew they were hurt and were trying to hide it.

A weight slammed into his back forcing Ellis to stumble forward.  Turning quickly Ellis saw an Infected woman fall to the ground.  Nick was a bit further off with his gun raised, having killed the Infected that had come up behind Ellis when he was distracted.

Nick offered him a quick, fond smile.  “We better find the other two.  You better not go out of my sight considering the way you attract trouble.”

“Now Nick, I don’ attract trouble,” Ellis protested.

“In the last three days you were targeted by a Witch, two Hunters, and a Jockey.  Between the rest of us there was one Smoker.”

“It can’t have been that bad.  Coach was the one who triggered the horde that attacked us today by deliberately shooting the car with the car alarm,” Ellis defended. 

 _Although it ain’t really his fault considerin’ he had the name **GN_XPRT** at the time.  I wish bastards like that wouldn’t take one of us over.  Last week Nick killed me when **rancid_ten_inches** took him over._   _The last few days has to be a bad run of luck and not a trend.  I refuse to end up the damsel in distress in the group.  Besides, Rochelle’s the only girl and she’s too tough to end up the damsel in distress so we can’t have one,_ came the mental addition.

“Coach wouldn’t set off an alarm on purpose,” Nick pointed out.  “Well, I think I saw them run off in that direction during all the chaos.”  Nick gestured off towards a building in the distance.

Ellis looked in that direction and could faintly see the outlines of his friends and nodded.  It took no time at all to catch up to the pair and to his relief, Coach’s name was back where it belonged.  Ellis then winced as he checked up on the bar and saw that Coach was in the red.  Since Rochelle still had her pills Ellis wondered what was up.  Normally she’d have given them to the most injured of the group.

“Where ya hurt?”  Ellis pulled his health kit off his back as he asked.

“I’m not hurt,” Coach responded as he turned away slightly.

“Yes ya are,” Ellis insisted.  Horde attacks tended to be very far apart when no one was being possessed so they had time to heal the wounded.  Looking around, he realized he was the only one with a health kit and realized exactly what was going on.

“Do you think they put this sign up before or after the infection?” Rochelle asked from where she was standing in a corner.

The name **D_Vader02** floated above her head so Ellis ignored her odd behavior and locked eyes with the oldest of the group.  _I’m not goin’ to give up,_ Ellis tried to project mentally.  _I know ya are hurt and it’s better to fix it when we have breathin’ room than to lose ya if we get attacked.  Ya don’ have to go around injured just because ya want the kit to be available in case one of us gets hurt worse._ It wouldn’t be the first time Coach went without so the others could benefit.  It made him wonder if Coach ever had any kids beyond the ones he taught.

Coach seemed to get at least part of what he was thinking because he finally sighed and lifted his shirt to reveal three gashes on his back.  “It’s not that bad, I can wait until we’re safe and there are more kits available.”

For once Nick didn’t say anything, but a swift glance showed him giving Ellis a strange look. 

 _Wonder what that’s about_ , Ellis thought as he treated Coach’s wounds.  _I guess it might be a bit strange that I knew Coach was hurt seein’ as we were separated and all and he was hidin’ it real well.  Can’t do much about it now,_ Ellis concluded as he finished; watching in relief as the heavier man’s bar moved back into the green area.

“Thanks,” Coach said flashing him a warm smile.

“Any time, ya know that.  Come on guys.  I think there’s a safe room right around the corner of this here buildin’.”

“Let’s follow Overall’s suggestion and get to safety,” Nick agreed and started walking around the building, followed shortly by the others.

As they headed turned the corner that led to the safe room Ellis paused in front of one of the more reflective windows.  He stared at his image, trying to see if he had a bar as well.  Unfortunately all he could see was his reflection, even when he tried to force it. 

 _Maybe it’s one of them things where ya are allowed to see everyone else’s but not your own.  Probably because I always know how my health is doing and I can’t remember anythin’ when bein’ controlled so I wouldn’t need to know at those times anyway_.

“Hey Beauty Queen!  Quit admiring your reflection and get your ass over here.  Coach and Rochelle are already inside and we’re waiting on you,” Nick called from the safe room door.

“I’m comin’.  Hold ya horses,” Ellis replied as he turned away from his reflection and jogged towards the safe room.

000

When listed, all of the bits of oddness he’d been experiencing felt very familiar.  Ellis knew he should recognize what health bars, unusual names, unpredictable behavior, music tracks, and so on meant, but he couldn’t think of a single explanation. 

One day, while cutting through a game and electronics store at the mall Ellis noticed a new release wall.  One of the titles was for an update of a popular game series that some of his friends favored.  Seeing the game caused the pieces to finally click and Ellis worked out what his situation felt like.  It was exactly like those multiplayer game-thingies that Dave was forever playing when they weren’t working on cars at the garage.  Somehow his life had been transformed into a video game and he didn’t know what to do about that. 

 _Turns out livin’ in a video game really ain’t as fun as people like think it to be.  In truth, it’s downright painful at times_ , he thought as he lay on a sleeping bag facing the door with his shirt pillowed under his head and arms.

Ellis gritted his teeth as Nick poked around the bullet wound in his side.  Nick looked up at him briefly and offered a quick looked of apology before going back to what he was doing.  Coach and Rochelle were standing back and letting Nick handle it.  For some reason the conman was the best medic of the group and often was the one to handle the more serious injuries on the others.  He’d even developed a gentler manner, especially with Ellis, as the cycles passed which replaced the coarse care he’d given out at the beginning. 

“I am so sorry, Ellis.”  Rochelle’s voice was filled with guilt.  “I don’t know how I didn’t see you there.”

An hour before they’d been fighting their way through a horde of Infected when he felt something rip into his side.  Looking down quickly, Ellis realized that he’d been shot.  The four of them had been split up and the only one near him was Rochelle who had begun to fire erratically at near-by Infected.  A swift check revealed it wasn’t actually Rochelle that hit him as **Thin_Air_156** was floating above her head.

"How could you not see him?  He was right next to you,” Nick responded angrily as he pulled out pliers from his pocket.   “You ought to take some pain pills before I begin, Overalls” he suggested in a softer tone to Ellis.




“It ain’t Rochelle’s fault she shot me, Nick.  And I shouldn’t take any pills.  We’re low enough as it is without wasting any on this.  I can handle it.”

“What do you mean it isn’t Rochelle’s fault?” Coach asked curiously from where he hovered protectively over them.

“Goddamn that hurts,” Ellis gasped out as Nick used the pliers to pull out the bullet.  Rochelle finally approached him at that.  It was the first time she got near him since she returned to herself and took his hand.  Ellis squeezed it in an attempt to reassure her that he didn’t blame her.

“Rochelle weren’t herself at the time,” Ellis replied absently.  He was much more focused on trying to ignore the pain to realize exactly what he was rambling out in explanation.  “She was bein’ played by someone usin’ the name Thin_Air_156.”

Ellis felt Nick pause in the middle of bandaging the hole in his side and noticed that no one was talking.

“What did you say?”  Coach asked in confusion.

“She was bein’ manipulated by a gamer.  We all have been at one time or another.  It’s the problem with livin’ in a video game.”

The silence stretched on until Rochelle finally broke it.  “Ellis, perhaps you should rest a bit more.  I think you might be getting delirious.”

"No I’m not,” Ellis insisted.  “Nick and ya have your first names hoverin’ over your heads while Coach has his title.  I ain’t seen mine yet, but I think that’s because I know all that information and don’ need the reminder,” Ellis babbled at their incredulous looks.  “Whenever one of ya’ll start actin’ oddly, like Rochelle here shootin’ me, instead of your names there are names like Thin_Air_156, Gordon_Freeman_Rocks, and Noxtell.   It’s like one of those games ya’ll’d have played on computers or other systems.”




“Of course Overalls would think this was one giant game,” Nick said dismissively as he stood up.

“Listen for a moment, ya’ll,” Ellis said in frustration.  “I’m being serious.”

“Kid, you just told us you thought we were living in a video game,” Coach gently pointed out.

“I don’ think, I know we—”  Ellis began to argue.

“Enough.”  For once it was Nick who stopped the argument before it could really get going.  “Overalls here needs to rest and we need to take stock of our supplies.  We can talk about his newest fantasy later on.”  With that the conman walked out of the room, effectively ending the conversation. 

Rochelle gave his hand a quick squeeze and him another guilty look before she followed Nick out.  Coach was the last to leave, shooting him a concerned look before he left as well, closing the door and leaving Ellis in darkness.

 _Should have remembered not to say nothin’_.  Ellis thought to himself _.  It didn’t work any time before.  Don’ know why I thought it’d work this time.  All I get are weird looks from Nick and concerns that I might have gotten too much sun or too many hits to the head from Rochelle and Coach.  I wish one of them will soon figure it out as well because I don’ know how long I can take bein’ the only one aware of this.  It makes me feel more alone than I ever have in my life._

Ellis nodded off shortly, despite the pain.  He’d gained that ability a while ago during the earliest repeats he could remember. 

The southerner opened his eyes some time later to the sound of voices in the next room.  The current safe house had three rooms: a bathroom, a bedroom, and the main room so it wasn’t like they could move all that far away. 

 _Nick, Rochelle and Coach are probably trying to let me sleep_ , Ellis thought as he chose to concentrate on the soft conversation rather than get back to sleep.  The first clear words he heard came from the conman.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into that kid.” Nick stated.  “Where could he have gotten an idea that all this crap was some sort of game?”

“This is certainly quite insane,” Coach added in.  From the slight creaking of fake leather Ellis assumed he’d just sat in one of the slightly damaged chairs.

“Coach,” both Rochelle and Nick hissed at the same time.

“I mean our current circumstances, not Ellis’ behavior.  Before the Infected showed up would either of you have thought we could ever be in this situation?”  Coach paused, most likely to give them a chance to react before continuing.  “This seems more like a coping mechanism than anything else,”

“I think that boy knows the reality of the situation.  Yes he’s too cheerful at times, but I think Coach might be right about why that is,” Rochelle agreed, “Sort of like how Nick uses sarcasm.  I’ve met people who are genuinely crazy in a variety of ways and Ellis doesn’t act like that at all.” 

“I know that Overalls isn’t crazy.  The idea to use the race car was a good one.  I don’t think he’d have thought of that if he was a few cards short of a full deck.  None of the people that I’d also label as crazy could have come up with that.  Certainly the rest of us didn’t see the car as anything other than a display piece.  I just don’t like that he could think this was a game.”  Despite his agreement, Nick still sounded quite worried.

“The video game idea might have been from when the Jockey ran him into the brick wall before we were separated and then expounded on when Rochelle accidentally shot him.” Coach was clearly thinking out loud.  “Ellis does tend to come up with the oddest of things, which has always seemed to be his way of dealing, and the head wound simply caused him to temporarily confuse things.  I’ve seen it before.  During one practice one of the boys hit his head pretty hard and spent the time waiting for the ambulance convinced we were all reincarnations of coal miners, but that went away as his head healed.”

“Then let’s just try to keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn’t any more injuries.  There’s no sense in upsetting him by trying to disprove the notion.  I’m sure everything will be fine and in a few days we can forget the entire situation.”

Ellis listened as the other two agreed with Rochelle, a feeling of upset in his gut.  _They’re supposed to be my friends and yet the first thought they have is that I have a severe head injury.  They won’t even let me explain how I came to the conclusion that we are in a game._

 _Keith would have believed me if I showed him exactly why I thought that and if my reasons made sense, unlike these three who are plannin’ on ignorin’ me if I bring up the subject.  Even Dave would have trusted what I said as well, with a little more persuasion on Keith and my parts.  I really hope those two are still kickin’ zombie ass up in Indiana.   I miss them a lot and wish I had gone with them when they won those tickets to see the tapin’ of Jimmy Gibbs Jr.’s live television show appearance._

The door opened and Ellis quickly closed his eyes.  Someone walked over and lifted up his shirt and Ellis had to force himself not to react as that person checked over his wound.  He really didn’t want any of them to find out he had overheard what they were saying.  The person let his shirt fall back into place, apparently satisfied with what he or she saw.  Ellis hoped that the person would leave soon as he wanted to be alone at the moment.

A faint sigh that sounded like Nick’s quietly broke the silence.  “You have got to be more careful, Ellis.  The group needs to make it to New Orleans, and that includes you.  I don’t know what I, I mean we, would do if you died so try to be a little more careful from now on.” 

Ellis remained still, hoping that Nick wasn’t talking to him because he knew he was awake.  Fortunately all Nick did once he finished was to get into one of the sleeping bag beside him and go to sleep.

000

In typical fashion, Ellis decided that if there was nothing he could do about the situation then he should just ignore it.  The evidence was too obvious for him to not believe this was a game and he simply got better at hiding his opinions from his friends.  He used the knowledge he gained from the awareness to provide the best edge he could for the other three.

At each reset, he made sure to pretend to meet the other three for the first time in the hotel, suppressing his reactions to seeing Nick after fighting his way to where he knew the others would end up.  After a while he even became good at that sort of acting.  He wished Dave was there to see it as the darker man had always been good at acting and made fun of him for not having the same skills.

Ellis explored his environment even more as they ran from the hordes in an attempt to find quicker and easier paths to their destinations.  He told them all about Keith in an attempt to amuse them and keep their spirits up.  He found that he could tell the stories all he wanted since they never remembered them anyways. 

It became easy to embrace the feeling of immortality youth and his adventures with Keith had given him before the world collectively decided to imitate those late night horror movies as he knew for sure that he would always come back even when he died.  He did try his best not to make them too concerned about his mental state since being treated like he had a permanent head injury got old really fast.  He could tell that some of his habits did cause unease in his new family and tried to put their worries at rest when he noticed their reactions.

Life continued on for Ellis as he survived both the Infected and this weird knowledge of the fact he was living in a video game.  He continued to learn about his three companions and did his best to ignore his feelings for Nick. 

It would take a while before the new status quo became disrupted and it came from a source Ellis never imagined.

000

Ellis lay on the deck of Virgil’s boat, watching the night sky.  He’d lost count of the number of times he’d sat in the same spot watching the same sky.  Some nights it would rain and rain, but others were as clear and beautiful as tonight’s was.  With lights out all over the country the stars took on a brilliance he’d never seen before.

 _‘Course, there weren’t a reason to pay much attention before.  All those bits of light were all the way up there and I’m all the way down here,_ Ellis thought _.  Shit, not much reason to pay attention now.  It’s not like the scene’s goin’ to change._

Lately Ellis found that he went through periods where he simply didn’t care what happened, all of his cheer was forced out rather than natural.  It wasn’t like he was making much of a difference.  If it wasn’t for the fact that he knew it was much harder for three people to survive than four he might have been tempted to give up and make them go on without him.  He would most likely be dragged to each safe house anyway even if he did get separated.  Besides, their presence was helping him stay grounded for the moment, even if they didn’t understand him.

 _I  wonder if this is how all them explorers felt, all isolated and shit, even around others of their party, and wonderin’ if life was still going on someplace far away from them.  I wonder if there are others who are caught in this repeat and know it or if I’m the only one.  If I’m a character in a game, does that even make me real or is my entire past made up to amuse others?_

Arching his back, Ellis tried to work the kinks out of his spine before settling down.  Tomorrow night would bring on another mad dash and zombies so he wanted to be as rested as possible.  There was no sense starting with less than a full health bar.  He had already decided to sleep in the open.  The boat was far enough from the shore that none of the Infected, Common or Special, could reach him and he needed space from the others.

As he tucked his arms under his head he heard footsteps approaching him.  The lack of music let him know it was one of his friends, rather than the very rare occasion where a Common Infected managed to get to the boat.  He was surprised, as he knew all three had gone below earlier with the intention of getting some sleep.

“Hey Overalls,” Nick greeted him as he sat down on his right.

“Evenin’ Nick.”  Ellis didn’t bother to turn his head to look at the other man.

They stayed there in silence for a while.  Ellis had no idea why Nick had come up to the deck and part of him wished that the older man simply wanted to spend time with him.

Ellis snorted softly to himself.  Of course that was just the sort of wishful thinking his mama used to scold him about.

 _Most folk didn’t like men likin’ each other and considerin’ some of the stuff Nick has said, it’d be safe to assume that he’s only into girls.  ‘Sides, he and Rochelle seem to be gettin’ along well and she’d be a better match for him._   _Falling in love sucks.  In some of the worst versions of how I imagine Nick findin’ out about my crush he would abandon me to the Infected the first chance he got.  Even if I take the risk and it turns out Nick likes me back, it wouldn’t last.  It’s not like Nick would even remember it if I approached him.  These shitty resets would take care of that.  It’d be that I’d remember being told he didn’t feel the same way.  It’ll be better to try to get over him than pursue it.  Less hurt that way._

“Something on your mind?”  Nick’s sudden question in the dark made Ellis jump slightly.  Looking up in the dim light at the smirk on his face, Ellis knew the other man saw it as well, and his face colored in embarrassment.

“Jus’ thinkin’” Ellis replied.

“Don’t break your brain doing that.  We need you to survive.”

“Aww, Nick, I didn’t know ya cared.”  Ellis attempted to snark back even though he wasn’t in the mood to.

“Not that I’d normally complain about you being quiet, it’s obvious something ‘s bothering you.  If there’s a problem, you need to tell us before whatever it is gets you and all of us killed,” Nick snapped.

Despite the coldness of the words, Nick’s tone carried a strong undertone of concern for the southerner.  One benefit of living through all that shit was that Ellis had come to know his new family as well as he knew the ones back in Savannah.  Nick had been spending more time with him than the other two combined and stuck close to him whenever they were fighting off monsters.  The new behavior wasn’t really helping him kill his feelings, but made it far easier to read the conman.

Ellis decided to take a chance and tell Nick some of what was depressing him.

“Ya think this is Hell?”  Ellis finally asked.

“What the fuck?” Nick sounded surprised.  “Where did that come from?”

“All this shit that’s happenin’.  Do ya think that it will ever end, or is it some sort of punishment for things we did wrong in life?”

“No it isn’t.  It’s a fucked up situation, but we’re still alive.  I can’t imagine Rochelle, Coach, or you ever doing enough wrong to warrant this.”

“But ya have?” Ellis asked as he sat up.  In all the repetitions, the conman had never revealed much about his past.

“Don’t worry about me; we’re discussing you at the moment.  Now why do you think this is Hell, besides the obvious?”

“It’s just, we keep almost getting’ saved then somethin’ goes wrong.  First, all the helicopters leave then we find Jimmy Gibbs Jr’s stock car, which is awesome, only to have to abandon it when the highway is too blocked to drive on.  We finally make it through Whispering Oaks and get rescued only for ya to shoot the pilot—”

“He was turning into a zombie,” Nick interjected.

“—then we crash in the swamp.  At the rate we’re going, the military will probably be bombin’ the city once we get there.”  Ellis left out the fact that he knew they would be as it hadn’t happened yet for Nick.  “How do we even know that this can only happen once?  What if we keep havin’ to fight the same battles, almost get rescued and then find ourselves back at the beginnin’ and have to start all over again.

“Considerin’ this shit is straight out of Hollywood,” Elis continued after taking a breath, “we could be characters in a movie or game, doomed to play the same parts over and over.  We’ll just keep fightin’ and fightin’ without gettin’ anywhere.  We’ll just keep goin’ until there’s nothin’ and no one left.” 

By this time Ellis had managed to work himself up, venting about everything that had and would go wrong, only leaving out the part where he’d have to go through it all again or how that comment on being in a video game was true.  The young man could feel frustrated tears building up behind his eyes.  Refusing to cry in front of the other man, he pushed the tears back as forcefully as he could.

“Ellis, we’ll be fine.  I promise you that.” Nick’s voice was a combination of determination and shock, most likely at the southerner’s sudden and uncharacteristic behavior.

“How do ya know, Nick?  How—”

Ellis’s question was cut off when Nick grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him into a rough kiss.  Eyes widening, Ellis stared the best he could at the other man in the dark.  What little he could see of the conman told him this wasn’t some sort of joke so he relaxed slightly, returning the kiss as Nick gentled it.

 _When the fuck did this happen and how the hell did I miss it,_ Ellis thought in confusion as they kissed.

Eventually they broke apart and stared into the darkness beyond the boat.  They passed some time that way.  Ellis wanted to know when the conman started to care for him.  In one of the few instances where he thought before he spoke the young man left the question unasked.  It didn’t really matter anyway.

“Nick,” Ellis said softly into the dark, deciding to ask another question that’d been on his mind for a while.  “What would ya do if ya found yourself stuck repeatin’ the struggle from that hotel to New Orleans?  Like, ya’d make it there only to find yourself back on the roof of that hotel and have to fight your way through everythin’ again.  The only thing is that ya are the only one of ya’s group to remember the previous attempt.”

Nick was silent for a short span of time before he replied.  “I don’t know.  Probably go crazy after a while.   You shouldn’t worry about that since it can’t happen.  We’ll get to the evac and leave all this behind.”




Sighing, Ellis let the subject drop.  Nick never did believe him about his own personal Hell.  No point in trying anymore.

Nick’s hand cupped his jaw and gently turned his face towards him.  “Ellis, we’ll make it.  I promise.”  With that Nick leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss against Ellis’s mouth.

As Ellis pulled back from the kiss Nick wrapped an arm around his waist.  Ellis just gave Nick a sad smile before leaning against him.  It wasn’t like the conman would remember any of this in the morning.

000

Ellis could tell that Nick ended up remembering at least some portion of the conversation on the boat all the way through that run to New Orleans.  It wasn’t so much that he changed his ways around the other two, but that he’d seek out the southerner during the nights.  They never really talked at those times, or even got physical in any form, but took comfort in having survived another day together.  There really wasn’t much energy for anything else. 

Ellis felt he was lucky, neither he nor Nick ended up controlled by a user during that session.  It was mostly Coach and Rochelle so he had the maximum amount of time with Nick before he lost him again.

While the depression had lightened, Ellis still felt a part of him missing ever since that particular game had ended.  At the next cycle Nick went back to being his usual self and Ellis lost a source of comfort he hadn’t realized he’d ended up needing.  So Ellis did the only thing he could do to stay sane, pretend that each session was the first time, not the thousandth, he’d had to run the gauntlet. 

Eventually though, Ellis realized that his companions were starting to change as well.  Coach began to start out slimmer than when Ellis remembers him being the first time the helicopters left them on the hotel roof.  The man never lost too much weight, but he seemed to become healthier and more in shape for running around the Southern US trying to escape zombies.  Rochelle began to predict when hordes were likely to attack and after a while Ellis realized she seemed to unconsciously get tenser when they approached areas that usually spawned Tanks.

Nick, well…Nick started to run hot and cold toward the southerner: one minute he’d express a great deal of worry over Ellis and the next he acted like he hated him.  It was starting to give Ellis a headache.  Slowly though, Ellis came to notice that Nick thawed towards him faster at the beginnings and his mocking more often than not contained more teasing and less maliciousness to it. 

Of course, the personal changes did nothing to alter the truth that they were living in a dangerous area and that people were going to get hurt.

The other three survivors were out looking for supplies while Ellis sat on the floor of the safe room.  He’d been burned badly by a Spitter when they were entering the amusement park and could barely walk without falling over.  It was pretty obvious he would not be able to keep up with the others if there was trouble so they left him in the room while they went foraging. 

Thanks to the miraculous qualities of the first aid kits he’d survive without any scars, but it took a while to kick in when the game wasn’t actively running.  Since he was restricted to the safe room all he could do at the moment was hope his friends would be fine and spend time thinking about the recent changes in them.  In particular, Nick was acting especially strange, even without including his on/off affection for the southerner.

 _I wonder if they’re startin’ to remember previous runs.  It’d be great to get confirmation that I ain’t crazy and for Nick to remember that he loves me every time we begin a new session.  All the same, I don’ want them to have to go through every run, knowin’ that all that awaits at the end is to begin again and rerun the entire trip to New Orleans.  Shit, I don’ really know what to think about this.  Not much I can do, seein’ as they’d just think I’d finally cracked if I tried to explain.  They never seem to give me the benefit of the doubt_.  _‘Course they haven’t known me as long as I’ve known them_.

Ellis sighed and shifted position so he could no longer see the useless CEDA posters. 

 _The thing with Nick has me worried.  He’s been actin’ slightly more uncontrolled than I’ve ever seen him behave before.  His temper’s been the shortest since I met him and he’s quicker to yell at any of us when we make mistakes.  Each session lately, he seems to know exactly what to do even when he isn’t bein’ controlled by the floatin’ names.  He’s been rushin’ into danger more, especially if one of us is pinned down.  It’s gotten to the point that Coach and Rochelle have no idea what to expect from him each time we meet on the hotel roof.  He’s a loose cannon to them and he’s never been like that before.  Neither of them understands why his personality particularly bothers me since they don’ know what he’s truly like._

 _I hope it’s just a phase and not that he’s startin’ to see what I do.  Shit, this Hell is barely enough for me to handle.  Nick don’ like to be under anyone else’s control ‘cept his own.  If he becomes aware of what we are…_ Ellis' thoughts trailed of briefly as he imagined Nick’s possible reactions.

 _Shit, please let this just be a temporary change in him.  I don’ know how he’d be able to deal with the truth.  Please let him stay as ignorant as he thinks me to be._

000

Ellis lay on one of the “beds” in the safe house listening to the moaning of the Infected outside, his hat perched on the nightstand between beds.  In this game he’d been badly hit early on and they weren’t even to the mall yet.  A Hunter had ripped up his chest and side when they were escaping the hotel and the other three insisted he stay still in bed after his wounds had been bandaged.  Since none of the others decided to stay with him, Ellis was incredibly bored.  He wasn’t even sleepy, despite laying there with his eyes closed.  All that the enforced rest was doing was forcing the southerner think on things that he’d rather ignore.

 _At least Nick is back to normal, even if he was a bit distant this last game,_ Ellis thought.  For some reason whatever had been wrong with the conman had sorted itself out the game before this one _.  Shit, I almost hugged him when I realized he was actin’ like his old self.  I wonder how he’d have taken a complete stranger pullin’ him into a bear hug._   Ellis laughed to himself at the expression he predicted Nick would have worn at that.  _He even called me ‘overalls’ and he hasn’t done that in ages_.

The sound of the door to the bedroom opening and closing got Ellis’ attention, although he decided not to open his eyes.  He found over the various games that he learned the most interesting stuff when people thought he was asleep.

He almost gave himself away when a hand brushed some of his hair out of his face, inadvertently causing his cheek to begin itching.  Now super curious, Ellis waited to see what the other person, who he was fairly certain was Nick, wanted.

“Shit, Overalls,” Nick stated quietly as he dragged a folding chair over next to the bed.  “You have to stop scaring me like this.  I know you’ll just come back even if the worst happens, but each time you get injured…” Nick’s voice got so low Ellis couldn’t understand the rest of the sentence.

 _Wait a goddamned minute_ , Ellis thought.  _He just said ‘even if the worst happens’.  Usually most folk mean death by that phrase.  He’s rememberin’!_

“Did you have to let that Hunter land on you?  And there was that Spitter a while ago; I’m sure you could have jumped to the side if you hadn’t been trying to defend me.” 

“That Spitter didn’t get me this run.” 

Ellis didn’t realize he’d spoken out loud until Nick started to stand in surprise.  Reacting quickly, Ellis grabbed Nick’s wrist to keep him from leaving.

“We haven’t seen a Spitter since the hotel, Nick.  What are you talkin’ about?”

“I, uh—” Nick began and Ellis could see him mentally panicking.

“Are you talkin’ about the Spitter that got me at Whisperin’ Oaks?”

“We haven’t gotten there yet.” Nick said in shock, before a look of realization came over him.

Ellis didn’t give him the chance to say anything else, taking a risk himself.  “I’ve been curious about somethin’, Nick.  Have ya been noticin’ that there seems to be faint background music that plays whenever one of the Special Infected approach us or how one of us will occasionally act completely different without anyone commenting on the change?  D’ya see things when one of us is actin’ different, colors and names and such shit?”

“You see it too.”  Nick’s disbelief had an underlying tone of hope to it. 

Ellis understood how he felt.  Back at the beginning of this mess he’d have done anything to have one of the others go through this with him.  Now having someone else remember just made him sad.

“I’m sorry,” Ellis began, feeling suddenly very tired.  The comfort he got from having someone else finally understand was hollow.  He truly didn’t want anyone else to go through this shit.  “I wish ya didn’t have to remember.  It’s shitty to know that ya will get rescued only to start back over again.”

Ellis looked at where he was holding Nick’s wrist and lapsed into silence.  A few minutes past before Nick silently sat back down in the folding chair.

“How long, Ellis?”

 “What d’ya mean?” The southerner looked up at the conman in surprise, since even after all the cycles he never got used to how quickly and accurately Nick could figure things out. 

“How long have you been reliving all of this?” 

Ellis took a quick review of the last few years in hell before replying.  “Three years.  I’ve been replayin’ this game for three years.”

“Three _years_.  Shit! How have you managed to stay sane all this time?  And what did you mean by ‘game’?  Never mind, you can explain what you meant by that later.”  Nick shook his head a little. 

“I thought ya’ll thought I was crazy,” Ellis said in an attempt at a weak joke.

“Ellis,” Nick began warningly before letting that go.

Finally letting go of Nick’s wrist Ellis tried to sit up, wincing as the movement pulled at his stitches.  Nick quickly helped him finish sitting up.  Once he was upright, Ellis stared at his hands.

“I really don’ know how I’ve kept it together.  I figured that if I was goin’ to have to keep doin’ this I might as well have fun while I’m at it.  I hate seein’ ya’ll get hurt, but knowin’ that ya’ll come back to life later on helps a good deal when one of ya is lost.  Shit, pretendin’ this is one big adventure has been my best attempt at not goin’ crazy.”

Ellis bunched his hands into fists.  Lately he hadn’t been doing a good job of staying sane.  The rounds of depression had been getting worse, although it had lightened up a bit once Nick had returned to normal.

“I used to wish ya’ll knew as well, just so I weren’t alone in this.  Now I appear to be gettin’ that wish and I just want to take it back.  Better one person in Hell then four folk.”

Nick took Ellis’s hands into his own.  “We’ll make it through this, I promise.”

“Ya said that before.”

“I don’t recall that conversation,” Nick admitted.

“It’s alright.  It was a long time ago,” Ellis said sadly.

“Kid, I’m glad I’m starting to remember this.  You shouldn’t have to go through everything alone.  I also recall you returning my feelings as well.” Nick punctuated his statement with a gentle squeeze to Ellis’ hands.

Turning his head to look at Nick, Ellis tried to keep from hoping too much.  Nick wore a vulnerable expression Ellis knew well, but rarely got to see.  With Nick retaining the memories of each session Ellis knew what he did next could change everything.  Deciding to take a chance, Ellis leaned forward and hesitantly kissed Nick. 

In response, Nick reached up and held onto the back of Ellis’s head while deepening the kiss.

“We’ll make it,” Nick promised when he pulled out of the kiss.  “It may take a while, but we’ll survive together.”


End file.
